Remember when we all had an inside voice? It was that magical setting between whispering and announcing your life story to everyone within a three-block radius.
Apparently, it’s gone.
The other day at Starbucks two girls were having a conversation – in fact one was having an conversation and the other one was, I think, giving a public address. It was as if she wanted the whole coffee shop to hear what she was saying and it was so distracting. I go to Starbucks to get a great skinny Cap and a few moments of relaxation before coming into the office. Not that morning!
Then there’s the grocery store. You’ll be peacefully choosing avocados when someone strolls by on speakerphone:
“NO, MOM, I’M NOT BUYING THE EXTRA-LARGE HEMORRHOID CREAM!”
Thank you. I wasn’t curious before, but now aisle seven is emotionally invested.
But nowhere has the disappearance of the inside voice become more obvious than on airplanes.
You’re 35,000 feet in the air, trapped in a metal tube with 200 strangers, and somehow one passenger decides this is the perfect time to watch videos at full volume.
Another is explaining his business strategy to a colleague three rows away.
And then there’s the person who spends four hours narrating every thought that enters their head.
“Looks like we’re over Montana.”
Two minutes later:
“Yep… still over Montana.”
By hour three, everyone within six rows knows about their vacation plans, their cholesterol medication, their ex-spouse, and the fact that they once met a guy who almost bought a boat.
The strange thing is that the louder people get, the less important the information becomes.
“YEAH, SO THEN I HAD A SANDWICH.”
Remarkable. Please continue. The entire aircraft is hanging on every detail.
I don’t know when society collectively decided that every conversation needed a captive audience, but I’d like to formally request the return of the inside voice. Not because I’m grumpy, but because I’d really like to complete a flight without learning a stranger’s banking issues, dating problems, or detailed opinion on airport sandwiches.
Until then, I’ll be over here quietly judging everyone.
You know… with my inside voice. 
